As a child I was always bullied and teased in school.
Kids are cruel and don’t understand how they impact the person they are bullying.
Sharing stories is what helps us all understand that there are people that do understand and can relate in one way or another.
This past year has been hard on my family. My husband of 17 and a half years walked away. It’s had its ups and downs. Lots of downs and depression. Of course because we had been together so long we had so many mutual friends. Most of those friends for me, went away. It was hard for a long time to socialize and live again. My daughter was gone half of this year. My husband left me and I felt like that kid again.
It brought back all the emotions I felt when I was younger. Bullied, teased, and rejected.
We had a love for each other that I thought was stronger than most. One that I thought would never end.
When I was a child my father left us when I was one year old. So of course I don’t remember him leaving. I remember visiting him and most of the time spending time with my step- whoever because my dad was always working. My dad remarried and through that marriage had a son. They divorced shortly after my brother turned one. At 8 years old my mom came to me and said that her and my dad were getting back together. When they got back together I thought life would be easier. I thought I would grow that bond with my dad that I never had.
We moved to Rougon which is right outside of New Roads. My sister was born in August of that year and exactly one year later they separated again. With little to no help from my dad we moved back to Baton Rouge. This would be my sixth grade year. My mom had no money for school supplies or clothes. My grandparents stepped in to help. My grandmother had some old clothes, so she gave them to me. Me, being young and not really caring about fashion at that age, said ok… and then the first day of school came. No friends, just waiting on that first class to begin.
Kids would pass me, laugh and point fingers. They would never even give me a chance.
They teased me about the way I dressed and called me fat. I was always chunky when I was growing up. I ventrally did make a few friends. But as you know in middle school there are ‘clicks’. I didn’t fit into any of them. I just remember wanting to belong. I also remember having this crush in school. One of my friends pointed me out and his words were ‘that is the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen.’ It was devastating.
There were lots of days that I would go home crying. Just wanting to die. I never tried to commit suicide. But I just wanted to die. All of the teasing went through middle school and moved on to high school.
My husband left the end of January, 2015. 2 weeks after he left, my daughter went to YCP (youth challenge program). Not only was I dealing with him leaving, I also I had to deal with her leaving. I felt the situation with my husband was only temporary and he’d be back. We love each other enough and we love our kids, he will be back. Days turned into weeks.
I isolated myself from the world. I felt alone and abandoned.
He told me he was not coming back. I didn’t want to believe him. He was my world. I based my life around him and the kids and now he was gone. So I blamed myself and the fact that I wasn’t good enough.
I felt like that kid only wanting to fit in. But I was an adult now.
We built a kingdom that now was destroyed. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep, thinking that my life was over. But my kids still needed me. My mind can’t understand how you can just stop loving someone; someone you have loved for so long. Just that moment when I wanted it all to end. I turned to God. In the mist of chaos and heart break, I felt serenity and grace. Something that I hadn’t felt in years. I was getting through the darkness. For the first time in months I knew I would be ok. Here I am one year later, ready for what 2016 has to offer.
Opening up and sharing my story was the start of a new chapter. It broke me out of my shell. I can live again. I can love again. I will be ok. We are all created equal.
Spread that love one person at a time. Seeing other people that go through life with struggles makes you realize that you are not alone. It makes this journey a little easier. What I hope the world sees and can take away from reading my story is that, no matter what you are going through, we are all equal.
We all can learn from one another.
Don’t try and change the whole world at once. Be the change in the world that you want to see. It’s about you and the impact you have…