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Where imperfections are perfect and flaws are flawless
Suicided

My Relationship with a Manic Depressive

Personal experience: I want to share my story from the other side of depression.

I dated a girl for nearly six years that was a manic-depressive.

She had intense insecurities and would routinely hide in bed anytime she felt I had done something to prove I would want someone else.

We could not go out in public unless I stared at her the entire time and constantly complimented her.

If we were walking and a girl in a remotely attractive outfit walked in front of me she would fall into a funk.

She would stop talking and retreat into her own mind. Anytime she did that she was building up her case as to why I thought she wasn’t good enough and then as soon as we were alone she would cry and accuse me of all the things she had made up in her head. I would then spend the rest of the night defending myself against the onslaught of accusations and telling her how beautiful and amazing I thought she was.

It was exhausting but I loved her so I believed it was worth the effort.

She was highly intelligent and worked hard. She was an avid runner and had a fantastic body but any minor set back at work or slight imperfection (real or perceived) would send her back into her downward spiral. I would do my best to lift her spirits every time there was a concern, though there seemed to be times that no matter what I did she would just fall back further and further. She had a number of medications that were supposed to help with her depression and mood stabilizers. I cannot imagine how things would have been if she hadn’t been taking those pills.

Her family was very supportive of her and myself for a time. However after nearly six years she was slipping more and more.

She would accuse me of cheating even when I hadn’t gone anywhere or spoken to another person.

She would sneak into my computer looking for evidence of my so called ‘others’.

She would go into emotional breakdowns that no one could pull her out of.

When everything finally ended she made me leave our home with just what I could carry. It required an officer with me to go back and get what I could, though there are many things I was never able to retrieve. Sadly some of those include family pictures and memorabilia from my military career.

I will never get those things back or recover the memories they represent. Her breakdown became my own as I fought emotionally, physically and financially to start my life all over again. I know that manic-depression and other disorders are chemical imbalances of the person and they are suffering from the effects of things they largely cannot control but I have been told so many times that I gave up and wasn’t understanding enough or there for her enough.

Never tell someone about their relationship. You have no idea how it feels to walk a mile in their shoes until you actually do it.

-Anonymous

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